Day 463: I wondered into another post apocalyptic movie...I think

Today I met a guy named Jack Porter, he claims to have once been an astronaut although he did say that was many clones ago. I asked him if he meant moons not clones and he just laughed and tried to explain it but then his "tech" radioed him and he said he would like to throw some ball with me sometime, but he had to go find a drone in sector 49. As he jumped into his pod thing and flew away I realized I had never seen anything machine that could fly since I left the vault and that I should have asked for a lift.
Was that the drone I shot down this morning I asked as I looked at the mess he had left
Damn, nothing useful not even a bottle cap.

I was considering this when heard this crazy screaming noise and the ground erupted in front of me.
It was like a chainsaw. I shot it anyway. I figured it was a mole rat.... well, crap it wasn't just some kind of remote-controlled chainsaw that had the temerity to blow up.... still I got some scrap metal out of it.
Later, I saw some mole rats fighting with the robot saw things and the rats were winning. I guess someone figured that would get rid of those buggers.

I was picking my way through a subway near Arefu when this guy comes running up to me.

"John Connor?"
"My name is Jo-"
"Come with me- if you want to live."
"My name is Jo-"
"Come on!"
He grabs my arm and starts hauling ass. We run like hell.
I look back and this Synth thing comes around the corner with a freaking mini-gun.
We dive over an embankment and there is Tracey from Vault 101 lying there with another dude who looks a lot like the guy who grabbed me. The two dudes stare at each other in silence.
I look at Tracey who waves.
"Hi Jo-" she tries to say but get's interrupted by the two dudes.
"Who are you?" they both say at the same time.
"I'm Kyle Reese," they both answer.
"Oh crap." they both exclaim.
"Hi Tracy," I say.
"Hello. Any idea what is going on?"  She asks.
"This yo-yo just grabs me and yells to come with him if I want to live."
"Oh, mine told me the same thing after calling me, Sarah."
"Wow, mine thinks my name is John."
"It's not?" Ask my dude.
"My name is Ralph."
"But," The dude says "You said your name is John."
"Actually, I was trying to say, My name is John? as a form of a question."
"Oh."
"What about you?" the other dude asks Tracy.
"Me?" Tracy says, "Right, I just thought you were cute. My name could be Sar-"
"Arrgh!" They both shout, "Wrong timeline!"

"What happened next?" Jerry interrupts. He always interrupts.
"Not much," I reply. "Tracy tells the guy she's got to go, pops up and uses her Fatman to totally VATS the robot chasing her. Then I do the same with my rocket launcher on the other one. The two Reese dudes stand up and gawk as robot bits rain down. I told Tracy, I'd see at the Vault 101 Mirelurk fry later this month and when we looked back both guys were gone."

"Damn," Jerry says.

"Weird Day," I say.

And that was pretty much it.
This is Ralph signing off.

top 8 video games foibles of all time

1. Button mashing. God of War 1-20. yeah there will be that many sequels just wait you'll see. Cronus will have to get it one with every goddess and monster in mythology. If it's a myth did any of it actually happen?
my thumbs thinks so.

2. Fighting games masquerading as adventure games. How much suck would Tomb Raider have been if in the middle of the game it became a side scroll version of mortal combat. Injustice- I'm talking to you.

3. Sequels that have nothing to do with the original other than the cover art or concept.
The Force Unleashed. Srsly awesome game with insane button mashing that totally killed my mood and then changed the entire SW continuum. If you disagree play the second one to see total suckage at the end. It's like suddenly everything lucas touched sucked bum- don't believe me? Try the last (and by gosh I pray the last) Indiana Jones movie.

4.  Games that just get worse with each sequel like no one can figure it out. does this dungeon look familiar?
Yes it was in Wolfenstein 3D in 16bit color. enough said, if there is enough bullets no one will notice.

5. Awesome games that end suddenly as soon as they are getting good. Battle for Los Angeles and Homefront and Call of Duty and Medal of Honor and that aforementioned Star Wars game and Republic Commando. By Jove the list goes on and on. But hey there is multiplayer where a bunch of stupid tweeny boys can pawn you and talk smack even though most of them would get shot in the first 5 seconds of a real firefight.

6. MMRPGS where you spend all day farming a piece of leather just to improve a skill that won't actually help you out. WOW, I am talking to you. What is the point of crafting if it doesn't actually give you an edge after 4th level. What's worse is that every frikking Fantasy and Sci-fi game has it as if people in RL or hell even the movies spend time improving metal crafting or leather working or gardening.

7. Games that sell you stuff for real cash. Gamers call this buying your way to the top. Believe me the suckage is complete. Nothing I like more than grinding my character up to a point where I can finally join a raid group and meeting the 3 newbs who bought their characters on eBay.

8. Nerfing. Whoops that gun/character/class/ability is too powerful so instead of reducing it they rob it of every reason you spent the last 72 days of actual game time to get it. 

Life!

you are going to die.
hell, me too

Annoying kids from Lamplight

Last night I agreed to take this grownup kid, lets call him Keeky, hell I can't remember his name. We don't get 20 feet before he gets bored, and insists on telling me a story about a robot called Dynamo and on he went as we walked. I could not get him to shut up.
When are we going to get to Big Town he'd ask.
Big Town, Big Town.
Gawd, I was expecting something like Megaton instead of the dump that Big Town turned out to be.
Kicky kept telling his stupid stories all the way there.
Hey Ralph did you heat about that robot Dynamo as I am emptying my mini gun into a giant radscorpion
I'm bored, I know I will make up a story, once there was this superhero named Gronk, in the middle of a knife fight with three very pissed off Talon Company men
Are we there yet? In a shootout between 6 super muties and 9 raiders
I sure know how to pick em!


This is Ralph

Now where is that nailboard, that won't kill him right?

Deathclaw Stew

Here's how to make Deathclaw stew.
1. Make sure you take plenty of weapons.
Shotgun.....check
railroad gun....check
laser rifle....check
missile launcher...need to get it repaired
Fat Boy...check (don't ask- don't tell, just pull the trigger and run like hell)
2. take lots of ammo....preferably ammo for the shotgun, raliroad gun, laser rifle, missles, mini nukes

3. sufficient body armor.
a couple of things. a) make sure it's thick. b) make sure it's light or c) make sure you can run in it.

4. big knife or chainsaw.

5. sack

6. good shoes.

7. spices.

8. pot.

9. matches or flame thrower

10. Stim Packs, and drugs, lots of drugs.

Now then, since you are prepared.
Things to remember:

1. Deathclaws are faster than you are.

2. Take a friend who moves slower than you do.

3. don't be afraid to make a mess. blow that deathclaw to pieces if you can since it will save the effort of determining if it is really dead and takes less time to cut up.

4. make sure you have plenty of room.

Okay, Good Luck out there.

Let me know what it tastes like.

Ralph, Vault 103

ps. Don't eat raw.

Hacking Blues

Today I hacked into something called the NORAD mainframe. It claimed to  be able  to launch hundreds of Missiles and play something called chess.
For a computer it was  almost as  chatty as President Eden was before I convinced him that he was in fact redundant.
NORAD could not be convinced that it did not  need to relaunch the missiles even after I told it I wasn't plugging that cord back in.
After I left, I realized that when a computer starts  running lots of lines of text, that it might actually be screaming.

when the spit hits the man

Someone once said that the only good gook was a dead gook. I am still not sure what a gook was.
The same could be said about- well just about everyone you meet out here in the wasteland.

Yesterday, I was out walking with this dog that came along and adopted me. (another story) and these two guys game by on one of those motorcycles you see in a lot of places- mostly without wheels. One guy was girly and blond and the other had this wicked mohawk. They looked like raiders. I was trying to decide which weapon I would use today to blow them to kingdom come - I can chose from 8 without even digging through my gear. No I don't get how I can do that but they are there when i need them. I chose the 32 caliber pistol. I hadn't used it since I found it in that dead ghouls hand.
When I looked up, the two of them were sitting right next to me considering me. The blonde one flipped me off- except he had no middle finger. So maybe it was a fist instead.
Mohawk flapped his tongue at me then asked.
"Oy- you seen a truck go by filled with the black gold?"

"No."

"Crimey, of all the rotten luck." he said and spun the bike. "Must have taken the turnpike instead."

Then they were gone back the way they had just come.

What the hell is black gold anyway?

This is Ralph signing off